Miracles by Design

My friend Jane-Anne was over today and we were talking about “the situation” and how we both have a deep-down peace about this whole thing. I feel as though I am finally learning to “wait on God.” I have spent a lot of years fretting about this and fretting about that. In the end, God has always worked things out. All the fretting was for nothing. The lesson has been a long time in the learning!

Wednesday by midnight will tell the tale. Miracle? No miracle?
There will be a miracle.

Today I have two main thoughts rumbling around in my mind, sometimes intersecting, one sometimes allowing the other to occupy center stage.

First of all, I’m somewhat uncomfortable with this blog being all about me. The Christian walk is supposed to be about focusing on others. I comfort myself with the hope and reasoning that through exposing my own struggles, I am encouraging others in the knowledge that they can trust God when they go through hard patches in their lives. That’s really the purpose for this daily blogging exercise.

The other thought is more a rumination than a concrete thought.

This morning I was reading in Isaiah 55. The first verse reads, “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!”

In the midst of wondering whether the Lord is communicating directly to me through this scripture today with the invitation to come to the waters (of course I think of the new home close to the lake) and to “buy” (I wonder whether this is confirmation that I am to buy, even though I have no money for a down payment), I hear echoes of my theologian friends who warn about subjectively taking passages out of context to back up our own hopes and desires.

I am aware that many of my friends are more learned than I – but I’m also aware of the many, many times over the years when I’ve simply flipped the Bible open and a passage, perhaps written to the Israelites in a particular time of their history, jumps out at me as being particularly applicable to my own situation. There’s one passage in particular that has come to me over and over and over again in the past 15 years. It is the 54th chapter of Isaiah. It doesn’t matter what Bible I’m using, when I need encouragement that God has His hand on my circumstances and family, I’ll ‘just happen’ to open to that passage. It shocks me – then warms my heart – every time.

I believe that the Bible is far more than just a book. It’s a living entity through which God can speak directly to us. That kind of communication is critical if we’re going to have any real, personal relationship with Jesus.

Must get back to work…

I yi yi! Just 30 days until the moving truck arrives.

I don’t know exactly what’s happening with God, but feel as though something is up. There is a convergence of circumstances which I do not believe is coincidental.

I have been designing the Crossroads Compass for 26 months and have loved doing it, but because of the merger of Crossroads and CTS, they are now able to produce it internally and so the July issue was my last. Then there’s the matter of my b-day which, this year, signals the commencement of a regular income starting in July (you know – that good news/bad news income – the OAS – yikes – am I here already????). Then there’s the little matter of me having to move from my cozy home in July. These are all major aspects of my life – my work, my income, my home…

Interesting.

What’s up, Lord? I guess I’ll know part of it by July 7th. Either the down payment will be in the bank for my home – or it won’t. If it isn’t, what then? Where will I go? The July 28 moving day is not alterable. It’s fixed – no extensions because my landlord has to do renovations in time for school for his new family.

The only thing I know for sure is that God has a plan.

I paid my last rent cheque today for the apartment in which I’ve lived for four years. How time flies! This has been such a lovely place to live – perfect in every way with its rolling lawns, privacy and country beauty. Had my landlord not needed the space for his new family, I would have been quite content to stay for the rest of my years.

Yesterday, I spoke with a man who I regard as one of the world’s great Bible teachers. He had spoken to me about doing four books for him, but is not able to proceed, despite the fact that he still wants to do them. It’s really a shame because he has such depth of understanding to share with the world. This is starting to be recognized more and more as he is being increasingly invited to minister around the world – but he has no books to leave behind to enlarge upon his teachings for people. It occurred to me that anyone willing to fund two of these books could possibly be tax receipted through the ministry. I’m not sure about this, but if anyone is interested, they could contact me directly and I could find out.

With regard to my housing dilemma, two books would look after the down payment. Then I’d just have to look after closing costs.

Today I went up on the hill with my Bible and sat in one of the Muskoka chairs Todd made a few years ago. I’m glad I can take it with me when I move. It was so beautiful in the shade of the maple tree, now so much bigger than when I arrived. I’ve been reading in Isaiah. It was very encouraging today. “They who hope in Me will not be disappointed.” (Is. 49:23b) Further along, I read, “Therefore have I set my face like flint and I know I will not be put to shame. He who vindicates me is near.” (Is. 50:7)

I know this passage was in reference to Jesus, but I really feel that I have “set my face like flint. ” I may have times of weakness, but I don’t waver. My course is set with God. He is near.

Oswald Chambers’ March 15 devotional (just happened to flip to it) speaks of the “Discipline of Dismay.” He speaks of Jesus as “This strange Being with His face set like a flint…”

Today’s reading says, “There must be unflinching loyalty to the Word of God.”

Unflinching. Set like flint. Solid on course.

My signature verse has always been “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” (Prov. 3:5,6)

Unflinching. Set like flint. Solid on course. All my heart. Trusting His leading rather than my own reasonings. Acknowledging God in all my ways.

He will direct my path. 🙂

Have you ever felt all alone in a group?

That was me tonight.

Following another great Sunday morning at the Embassy, Lola (my cockapoo) and I spent the afternoon with wonderful friends close to Port Hope. It was a great time of discussion, prayer for each other, laughter and good food. There was a guitar there and a keyboard and everyone was happy singing favourites.

Normally, I would have been thoroughly enjoying it. It had all of the elements for my favorite way to spend time. Instead, I found myself fighting back tears all through the singing. Despite the fact that I was very much part of the group, I felt totally alone. No one else can walk this road with me. No one else can understand how desperately I need God to intervene. No one else can live this challenge. This test is mine alone. It’s just God and me. I can’t expect any fairy godmother to twitch her nose and make it all go away. I can’t expect the phone to ring with news of an inheritance. I simply need a miracle. If God doesn’t come through, I’m toast. I didn’t want anyone to see the rogue tears spilling over my lashes and would have left, had my car not been blocked.

The problem was that I had started to think about my circumstances. If I don’t have a humungus miracle by July 7th, what will I do? Where will I go? People who read this blog will be convinced that I was crazy to have expected to be able to raise a down payment on a house and all of the closing expenses – about $40,000. – within a couple of weeks. Instead of God being applauded and glorified, people will turn their backs even more rigidly against the possibilities of His intervention in our lives. They won’t get to see an example of His greatness. What will I do with all my stuff when the movers arrive? Did I not hear from God about purchasing instead of renting? Have I been wandering down the road of my own unrealistic desires, calling it “faith” instead of taking control of my situation the way smarter people would do?

I was like Peter who stepped into the water but took his eyes off of Jesus, focused on his circumstances and began to sink

As the singing began to wind down, I went into the washroom and tried to compose myself. I was tired. This has been a long stretch of holding on to a hope I can’t see or touch. I wanted to get home and crawl under the covers. Instead, I steeled myself and walked towards the dining room where everyone was gathering for dessert. I wondered why the lights were out.

With happy smiles, everyone turned towards me and started to sing…”Happy birthday to you, happy birthday…” and there was a beautiful cake – with my name written on it –”Happy Birthday Diane” it read.

Well, that did it – instead of responding in happy celebration, I retreated into a hug from one of the women and wept. Great response. That was terrible. I can only hope that they will understand and forgive me. They were all so kind.

Now I’m home, blogging about what a spiritual giant I am – hoping that your life will be enriched by my powerful example of the Christian life. 🙂

All I can say tonite is – I love you all for caring enough to read these words. My encouragement to you comes in the form of assuring you that the awesomeness of God cannot be measured by my human frailties.

Even if I’m just hanging on by a thin silver cord tonite, the silver cord connecting me to God is there. He has not left me. He will not fail me. Even if I don’t see the miracle for which I hope, it will not diminish my love for Him one whit. He is the precious jewel of my life. He is my core. He is worthy of my praise – not for what He does, but for Who He is. Without Him, I would be nothing but emptiness. He is my life. Tomorrow I shall smile.

More pics! The colours look different because the lighting and cameras are different.

Kim and I went out to the house today because the seller wanted to show us the fine points of his construction and determine the positioning of the backyard fence, etc.

I feel as though God has already answered my prayer for funds for the down payment. I haven’t seen the cash in the bank yet, but I believe that it’s there “in the Spirit.” It has already been done. I’ll see the evidence by July 7th. It will be so amazing to be able to remove the condition for financing. It will be like a dream!

Because the house isn’t on the lake, the price and taxes are much lower. However, there is a shared deeded lake access with a dock right across the road and so the location is really better. Kim and I went down to the lake today and it is wonderful – a great place to swim and take breaks from the intensity of work.

One of my cousins (Nan) sent a list of scriptures today that she really felt spoke to the situation. It was amazing because I had already been praying some of them.

The funny thing is that I feel a real bond with the builder. He is just a young fellow (about 28) but he has done a remarkable job of building this house. He is a real perfectionist and has gone over the top in making sure that things are finished well and done the very best way possible. It gives me a lot of confidence in my ability to live there alone. I almost feel that God has led this young man in building this house for me.

I realize that I’m going out on a limb saying some of these things when everything is so conditional, but I really feel that way. Maybe it’s all part of faith.

Signed, sealed, delivered and accepted! – an offer on “my” house conditional only on arranging the down payment. I can hardly believe that things have progressed this far! Today, sitting in the real estate office, hammering out the details with the seller, I really had to pinch myself to believe that this was real. Remembering the devastation of four years ago when I was left with nothing – and now being approved to purchase my own home is truly amazing. I am getting very excited.

I am not at all worried about the down payment. God will walk me through it as He has walked me through the last four years.

I just received the following note from Kim Weatherhead, my realtor:

Glad you’re happy.  Every deal is crazy – but very exciting – I’ve never had
one like this where the seller and the buyer really like each other and he gives
her almost everything she wants – LOL
Sleep tight!
Kim

I know there are people following this blog who are praying for me and I want to thank you so very, very much. I can really feel  your love and prayers and it’s wonderful. I am very blessed.