Miracles by Design

Even though things did not turn out as I had hoped with the purchase of my own home, I have seen God’s hand at work in this move.

I mentioned previously how the last four years have been a great challenge financially as I worked to rebuild my life. I have just barely gotten to the place where I’m holding my own and able to pay my bills even though there’s not much left over.

In April, I learned that my job designing the Crossroads Compass would be ending because of the merger of Crossroads and CTS and the subsequent duplication of services. During the two-month transition, however, I was asked to do not only my job, but also that of my previous boss as managing editor of the magazine. Not only did it mean that I would have the opportunity to implement some of my ideas to make the magazine more interactive, but I would be paid three times my normal salary for those two months! It was very exciting and I looked forward to finally having some surplus!

Not so fast! In May – bingo – along came word that I would have to move, necessitating a variety of expenditures that would have been far beyond my ability to manage, had it not been for the Crossroads situation. I was amazed at God’s provision in preparation for the coming expenses.

And then there was the matter of the apartment in Uxbridge into which I’ll be moving in a couple of weeks. While my early efforts to find a place large enough to suit my needs where Lola would be welcome were fruitless, when it came right down to the crunch last week, along came the availability of this place – a port in the storm should the house deal fall through (which it did). I’ll have the main level of a bungalow about 100 sq. ft. larger than what I now have. It is right next to a park where I’ll be able to run Lola off leash.

So there it was –  God’s hand of miraculous preparation for things I didn’t even know I’d need – all along the way, by His design!

Whew! That was close! Had I not needed a miracle to buy this house, I would have gone ahead on my own and taken a step that was obviously not in God’s plan. One great thing about not having a lot of resources is being dependent on God for every step. If it’s not a step towards His best plan, He simply won’t provide the resources for it!

Disappointed? Yes – but “weeping may endure for the night – but joy cometh in the morning!” I’ll get over it and life will go on.

Last night, Jane and Jane-Anne came to help pack (all they’ve left me are two cups, one fork, one knife and one spoon for two weeks!). It was great having my girlfriends here because the last few days have been filled with suspense and it would have been difficult to be alone. I didn’t say anything about not looking forward to this last nail-biter day, but Jane-Anne felt she wanted to come back and it was so great having her here for company on this last day of the count down.

This morning we had coffee and an incredible time of prayer – a great way to start the day. She brought one of her favorite CDs and so we rocked the apartment with praises to God as we packed. When it got hot, we took some cool drinks up on the hill under the maple tree and gorged on the beauty all around. I started to sing (not usually something anyone wants to hear!), but today I felt as though I could hit any note. My voice was clear and the words of special songs rolled through my remembrance, song after song. It’s a rare and special memory (as my kids and grandkids can appreciate!)

I know Lola will miss the hill as much as I. The first four years of her life have been spent chasing balls on the hill, discovering scents of wild turkeys, barking at the cows and horse in the next field and lying beside my chair as I soak in the creation all around. It has been a great place to re-discover myself, find a fresh relationship with God and grow into my new life.

While my hopes have been high that I would be able to live in my own home once again, I accept this outcome as a sign that God has a better plan, to which I am not yet privy. While I don’t look forward to moving into another rental, I am grateful that a lovely one has become available in Uxbridge where Lola will be welcome and I shall have adequate space for my needs.

I have a strong sense that, while this step did not turn out according to my wishes, the outcome is good and God has a plan. As a matter of fact, I am so sure He is doing something far more special than I could have imagined, that I am going to continue to blog daily. I am feeling very connected to those who have walked this journey with me and would like to continue so that when God’s best plan unfolds, I will be able to share it and He will receive the glory He so richly deserves. 🙂

And so this is the last post of the “Anatomy of a Miracle” series. Tomorrow’s post will have a different title.

Was this whole thing just a dumb exercise in futility? I don’t think so. I think we need to live our lives aware of the possibility of God’s supernatural intervention in the circumstances of our lives and giving Him openings to display His mighty power and grace. Only He knows whether the opportunities we provide for Him will be for our good. He is not a God who will show off and allow us to suffer in the process. In this case, He was willing to look as though He doesn’t answer prayer or was not able to supply because apparently He knew that filling my request was not in my best interests. He is a wonderful Father. He loves us and we can trust His judgment in the matters of our lives. 🙂

Well – here I am on the eve of the last day of the condition. By tomorrow midnight, there will be no more suspense, no more drama. The tale will have been told.

This has been a very interesting journey – one that has held some amazing surprises. Every detail has come together for the purchase of this house except for the one factor which is totally in God’s hands. This one factor could not only lift the latch on the door, welcoming me into my own home, but is the key evidence of whether or not God is in this adventure. If He is, the down payment will come by midnight tomorrow. If He’s not, it won’t. Simple. It’s not often that we get such clear evidence of either being or not being in God’s perfect will.

I have no problem admitting that I shall be disappointed if this doesn’t happen. I’ve done a lot of “if it happens” planning. It seems so perfect and I still believe God has purpose in this move beyond a disruptive uprooting and replanting. However, we’ll soon see.

Right now, I do not see any way possible that the funds could come in. I am doing absolutely nothing else to try to make it happen. In the beginning, I put out quotations for books and offered discounts for prepayments, but none of that bore any fruit. Now, if it happens,  it will be in a way I never could have imagined.

I’m going to bed. Only one sleep stands between me and resolution…

Looks like we’re going right down to the wire. Just two more sleeps (if I ever get to bed tonite!) before either a miracle happens or the curtain closes on this opportunity to own my own home once again.

One of my greatest concerns in all of this is that if I heard wrong and God has no intention of providing the miracle that would be necessary to turn the dream into a reality, curious skeptics who have been dropping by will say, “Ya – we knew there wouldn’t be a miracle. How dumb can anyone be to think $40,000. is going to drop out of the sky? This just proves that God stuff isn’t real.”

If I thought that my unrealized hopes for a miracle were to drive anyone further away from God, it would be terrible.

Tonite I went to Wal-Mart to pick up some plastic packing totes (they’re on for $5.00 ea.!!). When I was going through the check-out, the cashier commented on my bracelet, saying how beautiful it was. I took it off and gave it to her saying, “Here – I want you to have it as a reminder of how much Jesus loves you.” She was flabbergasted and said, “Oh no, I can’t possibly take it – and no – Jesus doesn’t love me. I stopped believing that a long time ago.”
“Yes, He does,” I insisted. “His love in me is reaching out to you.”
The look she gave me was that of a child, slowly, quietly sinking in quicksand, hardly daring to hope that someone would come and save her.
“Here, please, take it.” I held it out to her.
“I can’t,” she said. “It’s store policy. We can’t take gifts from customers – but I want you to come back and see me. My name is Lynn.” She pointed to her name tag. As much as she claimed not to believe, she desperately wanted to. I could see it in her eyes.
Another customer was ready to check out and, not wanting to interfere with her work, I nodded, smiled and promised to return.

Everyone needs to know how much Jesus loves us. If I could pull God’s strings and have Him work a miracle for me just so that a skeptic reading this would believe, I would, because a relationship with Jesus is what life is all about. Inside every one of us is a God-shaped hole that can’t be filled with anything else. People try to stuff it with sports, work, relationships, materialism – whatever – but nothing fits except God and so we live with a gnawing emptiness inside – a sense that something is missing – until we allow God in to fill us up with Himself. That’s the only thing that brings real peace.

So – if a miracle doesn’t happen in my life this time, the only thing it will prove is that I heard wrong and I should have just tried harder to find an apartment.

However – let’s not throw in the towel yet – not until midnight on Wednesday! 🙂

Just a short post tonite as I have developed tendonitis in my right shoulder and must use it as little as possible. (Makes packing interesting!)
Just waiting to see what God is going to do – particularly with the condition on the offer ending on Wednesday! It will be very interesting to see His will unfold!! 🙂

I mentioned a few days ago that I had been fasting, seeking God for His perfect will. What I didn’t detail was the difficulty of the first couple of days of the fast. It has been so hard having to sort through my belongings (especially photos), most of which are connected to pre-divorce memories when I thought my life was reasonably normal – but was actually built on flawed realities. The emotions that have been stirred, coupled with the deprivation of the fast, made me want to simply take a knock-out pill and wake up when everything was over!

In the midst of all this, one of my friends called and invited me to a movie. I very seldom go to the theater, but the escape was welcome. I knew full well I shouldn’t be going to a movie in a time of fasting, but I stuffed my awareness under my desire to escape and went anyway. It was a movie that mirrored the values of today’s secular society and would be totally acceptable to most people today. The reality was that it was peppered with the f-bomb, played with illicit sexuality and portrayed immorality as comedic. And there I sat – denying myself popcorn because I was “seeking God for a miracle.”A slightly different f-bomb could have described the scene – “farce!”

When I look back on the sloppiness of my relationship with God that night, I am so ashamed. How dare I spend a holy time doing something so adverse to His kingdom principles – and pay for the experience???? Did I really think that God would just ‘take the night off’ and approve the movie? Did I think He would just tag along and be happy with whatever I chose to do with my time? Did I really expect Him to supply a financial miracle when I spent what money I had on something so foolish?

I have to turn this around. So – I’m doing it again and this time, I will do it His way. 🙂

Today plus five days until we know! I am so amazed at this extension – also very grateful to God for putting a “Plan B” in place, even if does have a miracle planned that will enable me to own my own home once again. It has removed the stress so that either way, I know I’ll have a place to go. When the movers arrive at 8 a.m. on the 28th, I’ll be able to point them to either Uxbridge or Caesarea.

Meanwhile, the girl who is looking after my realtor’s clients while she’s away, called today because other agents (who have clients who want the house) are getting impatient. She wanted to know how sure I am that the funds for the down payment will be in place by the 14th. I told her that I may not know until midnight on the 14th – because God is seldom early, never late but always right on time according to His perfect timing.

If it should happen that I heard wrong and God has no intentions of working a financial miracle, one of my greatest concerns will be that I have held up the selling of the house needlessly and have inconvenienced the realtor and the wonderful young fellow who built the house.

If I heard right and God does have a miracle planned, I am going to be over the moon with happiness, showing that young fellow this blog and demonstrating to him how God used him to build a house for this lady and gave him the wisdom and patience to accept the offer, agree to all the conditions and accept this crazy extension! It will be such a demonstration of the reality of God to him and I deeply hope that it will affect his life’s journey.

Well… we’ll know by the 14th. This time, there will be no extensions!