Miracles by Design

After midnight again!

Jane and Jane-Anne (my two best friends) came over to help pack tonite. It was so great to have them both here pitching in the way good friends do. We’ve done so much of life together and seen each other through many high and low points. Tonight we made more memories. 🙂

I have wonderful friends and wouldn’t dare begin to mention more names for fear of leaving out someone very special to me. I may not be wealthy in terms by which the world measures success, but I am rich in relationships. I love the people in my life. 🙂 As we packed, the girls were chiding me for keeping so much stuff. I admit that I have wayyyyyy too many books but I love books. Although I’m not a knick-knacky kind of person, I can’t possibly part with gifts given to me by loved ones. Everything has a story.

I went to Bible study at the Embassy this morning. It was amazing – as it always is. Pastor Doug’s teaching is rich. Today he was talking about our walk with God. He told of a dream he once had that spoke to him of the importance of our walk. The Coles Notes version is that a twelve-year-old boy in his dream was suddenly attacked by an alligator that swallowed everything but the boy’s feet which were sticking out of the alligator’s mouth. In the dream, Pastor Doug ran quickly to rescue the boy and tried to stab the alligator in the neck – but the neck was so stiff and hard that he couldn’t penetrate it with his knife. Then he thought he’d stab it in the heart, but he didn’t know where to look for the heart and didn’t even know if the alligator had a heart! Meanwhile, the memorable thing about the boy’s feet were his sneakers – new white sneakers with a red tag on the side of each one. At that point, Pastor Doug woke up. After thinking about the dream, he believed God had shown him the importance of how we walk. If we are stiff-necked and heartless, God can’t rescue anyone through our lives. As symbolized by the sneakers, it’s all about how we walk with Him. He wants to have a relationship with us and communicate in a real way.

Pastor Doug spoke of El Shaddai, God’s name meaning “the all-sufficient One,” but went on to explain that the deeper meaning of this name is, “the God of ruin and devastation who is also the all-sufficient One.” In our times of ruin and devastation, God is with us as our all-sufficiency.

I love that. Even in times when we think everything looks hopeless, the El Shaddai shows up and turns things around.

I am waiting for El Shaddai to move – by next Wednesday! 🙂

I apologize for being so late with today’s blog at such a critical time! My computer crashed tonite and I wondered for awhile whether I would even be able to do the blog! I was afraid you’d think I’d crashed!

But no. Today was a great day. The seller agreed to a one-week extension of the condition! I am shocked! I was shocked when he accepted my offer – but now – an extension is amazing because there are other people wanting this house.

It has been a long, full, busy day. I’ve been formatting my books into e-books and lining them up with distribution channels today so that I’ll hopefully have some residual income happening while I’m working on other projects. I have wanted to do this for quite awhile, but haven’t had the time. It feels good to have gotten this far.

I’ve had a few ideas today about how I could wangle circumstances to make everything happen – but then I stepped back and said “no.” This time, I’m going to wait for God. I really want this to be all about Him. If this purchase is in His perfect will, then He will work out the details far better than I can. 

All the peripherals seem to have taken shape so well – finding the house, being approved by the bank for a 2.1% mortgage, having my offer accepted, and now having the condition extended for a week. Wow! Even if the miracle down payment doesn’t happen, I feel so much more sure of myself in going forward with life. I am really rebuilding. It’s been a lot of hard work, but it’s happening! The only thing that hasn’t materialized is the miracle. But now there are seven more days!!!!!

I’ve been fasting for the past three days and so it was very interesting that my reading in Isaiah today was all about God’s chosen fast. I’ve always thought it referred to loosening the chains of injustice for others and lifting the yoke of oppression for others – but today I understood that it can be applied to us personally as we deny ourselves in a gesture of drawing closer to God. I could see that God is loosening the chains of injustice in my life and lifting the yoke of oppression. It was very exciting to have that fresh revelation. I look forward to the days ahead…

What will happen?

I have to run out and shall be gone for the evening – so thought I’d better leave a quick update.

First of all, thank you all for your continued prayers!

Yesterday, I met with a client who is going through a divorce and has to rent out half of his Uxbridge house while he’s going through the court process. He would accept Lola and so a Plan B is in place. Another friend has an apartment that would be available at the end of the month and he too, would accept Lola, but it would involve a lot of commuting as his place is in Bowmanville. So – I actually have Plans B and C – welcome respites from the pressure.

However, I must continue my course in case God’s plan provides for me to purchase instead of rent. Before my realtor left for her cruise, she prepared the paperwork for a week’s extension on the condition, which would give me until the 14th instead of the 7th. At first, I wasn’t going to take advantage of it because I felt that if God wants to do this, He doesn’t need an extension. He’s not on a budget and a need of $40.00 is no different to Him than a need of $40,000. My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills! He has His own laws of economy. As long as I obey His requirements (which I do), He has promised to look after my needs. He has done it over and over again, particularly in these past four years.

However, since both my banker and my realtor are suggesting an extension, and my close friend (whose discernment I trust) felt that the Lord spoke to her about one, I am considering it. Her point was that the children of Israel thought they were going to be delivered on a particular day, but the exodus was delayed for God’s purposes and His perfect timing. Moses was not very popular during that time, but he continued to obey God and the moving of the people to their own home eventually happened. I’m going to read the story again tonite when I get home.

Meanwhile, the drama may continue for a few more days – if the seller agrees to an extension…

Okay – we’re getting down to the wire now. This is Monday and I need to have $30,000. in the bank by Wednesday, with another $10,000. ready for closing costs on the 26th. and I have no idea where any of that is coming from.

Someone asked me yesterday if I have a plan “B” ready just in case. After all, The moving trucks are coming on the 28th of this month!

No – there is no plan “B.” I set my course about a month and a half ago when, after being advised by my landlord that he needed my space and then discovering that no suitable place was going to allow me to keep my dog, I began to sense that perhaps God wanted me to buy, not rent, my next home. Despite the fact that I’ve enjoyed just renting for the first time since university days, I contacted a realtor and set about trying to find a place to buy, with full knowledge that I didn’t have a down payment, but trusting that if God wanted me to buy, He would supply my need. My realtor is a Christian and has full knowledge of my situation. She is trusting God with me.

Am I being presumptuous, expecting God to jump just because I tell Him I have a need? Am I “reaching too high” as suggested by a concerned friend? Do I think I can just snap my fingers and see God jump? Am I putting myself in a precarious position? Am I putting God in a precarious position? Am I being fool hardy? Reckless? Ridiculous?

These are all questions asked not only by some friends, but by me in quiet moments of reflection as temporal realities and dimensions of the Spirit collide.

What would a plan “B” look like? It would have to be a rental large enough to accommodate my needs and welcome my dog. I am not going to lose Lola. She is my family now. I have lost enough family. I’m not losing more and I don’t believe God is requiring that of me. While I hunted for an apartment at first, there’s no point right now because, even if I were to find one, I wouldn’t put a deposit on it until after Wednesday – and if I can’t put a deposit on something, it will be gone and my time will have been wasted.

So – no. There’s no plan “B” and I don’t believe I’m going to need one. I have peace.

What will happen if midnight Wednesday comes and nothing has changed? Will I go off the deep end? Will I be embarrassed? Will I lose faith?

If midnight Wednesday comes and there has been no change, I shall look around the corner of life – in the Spirit – and find what God wants me to do next. He is leading me. I can’t see clearly into His realm to see exactly what He is doing, but He is there and He is the only thing I have in life that is sure.

Last night at church, the pastor asked if there was anyone who would like to give their life to Jesus – to be transformed by allowing Him to be part of their life. I turned around to a row of young people behind me and asked if any of them would like to go to the front to accept Jesus. I looked deeply into the beautiful brown eyes of one young woman and said, “You will never know your full purpose in life without Jesus and He will change your life. He loves you more than you will ever be able to understand. I will go to the front with you if you want to receive Him.” Holding hands, we went to the front and her life was changed. She would never be alone again.

I would never have been able to look into that young woman’s eyes and communicate faith to her if I had not learned to trust God over these past 32 years of knowing Him and seeing His faithfulness. Why would I doubt Him now?

I started to pack yesterday and had a minor meltdown gathering up photos of happier days with my family, etc. Jane-Anne came over and we took a break up on the hill. Things are always better up there sitting in the Muskoka chairs my son Todd made, absorbing the view that goes on for miles and gnawing at the bones of life, trying to find the marrow with a good friend.

By the time Jane-Anne left, I was in a much healthier frame of mind and so continued my packing until after midnight.

This morning at church, I bumped into an old friend, a lawyer who I hope to use for closing the real estate deal. I didn’t mean to tell him the whole story when we first began to talk, but it came out in the conversation and I’m sure he’s never had a situation like this before. At this point, if he actually expects me to show up in his office with papers to be signed, he has as much faith as I do and that is kind of crazy in this situation.

When I got home, my friend Gaynor had forwarded some tweets to me (I draw the techno line in the sand at tweeting:). However, they were appreciated.

From: @TamiHeim
He watches in the hard places and will gloriously come at the perfect hour – without fail.

From: @LisaHBryant
“You can’t out-ask, out-request, or out-pray the ability of God. ” @priscillashirer

From: @MaxLucado
For all the things God does, there is one he refuses to do. He refuses to keep a list of my wrongs.

Three more sleeps until Wednesday when I have to have the down payment in the bank. God is able.

Yay!!! June 7th is only four days away! Just four more sleeps until I see the mercy and grace of God once more.

The past four years have been such an incredible time of learning to trust God. When I sold our home, after all of the legal expenses were paid and I extricated myself from the mess, there was nothing left to start life over again. Time after time, God stepped in with a miracle and provided.

One time, while I was still packing the house, I was upset because it was my son’s birthday. Our tradition was to have everyone home for a nice birthday celebration, complete with candles and homemade chocolate cake.  It was always a big deal and I loved having my precious family all gathered together. Because of the horrible events that shattered our family that year, none of my kids would come home. It was too painful for them. I thought if only I could take them out to a restaurant, we could at least be together. However, I couldn’t afford it. I had no money. I had had to close our business down and there was not only no income, but I had great expenses. The closer it came to the birthday (which was the following Tuesday), the more troubled I became. What would I do? Then God stepped in. On Friday, an old family friend arrived (with no knowledge of the impending b-day) and said that God had spoken to him to give me $500.00. At first I protested, saying that he couldn’t possibly give me such a gift! But then he said that I had to take it because God had instructed him, but that there was a condition – that being that I take my family out for dinner! I’m sure my jaw must have dropped because I was dumbfounded.
“Did you know Tim’s birthday was coming?” I asked.
“No,” he said, “but maybe that’s why God sent me here!”

Another time, I was down to my last few cents, with no idea where the next dollar would come from. By this time, I was living in the apartment where I have lived for the past four years. It was a Sunday morning and I was in church. When the minister asked the ushers to receive the offering, I took an envelope and put every cent I had into the envelope. Then I took the Canadian Tire money from my wallet and put that in, too. I figured that if I was going to have this little money, I might as well give it all away and have none. I didn’t put my name on the envelope because I didn’t want anyone to know that I was the one who gave such a meager offering and added Canadian Tire money. The next day, I was up on the hill walking my dog and I said, “You know Lord, I really need some money. You said that you’re my husband now and I need you to look after me!” (At the time, I was still in school learning my new graphic design trade.) As I walked back towards the apartment, I decided to get the mail. There was a cheque from Gordon Williams for $5,000. – a deposit on his next book which I didn’t realize was coming at that time. Another envelope contained a GST return of over $200.00. i could hardly believe my eyes. Once again, I was flooded with gratitude for the faithfulness of God.

I could go on and on telling about the miracles of the last four years. I wish so much that I had journaled faithfully because I’ve forgotten so many. Experiencing the grace of God has been a way of life for me.

It’s not that I have sat by and lazily waited for God to drop golden coins from Heaven. In actual fact, I’ve never worked so hard in my life as I have over these years. Many, many, many nights I’ve worked all night long and watched the dawn bring the day from where I sat behind my computer. Sometimes I would think about the people who were able to sleep regular hours and have little pity parties for myself – but then I would finish a project for a client and be so happy to be able to have created something that would help them with their work and, at the same time, generate some income for myself. Never, in all the years of my marriage, had I been responsible for the income of the home. I had made some money on the odd book or whatever, but had not been soley responsible for survival. This has been a new experience and I am so grateful for the opportunities I have been given.

‘Nuff said for today.

When my friend, Jane-Anne, was praying for me today, the Lord told her, “The latch has been given.” Very interesting. We’ll see what happens Wednesday!!

To tell you the truth, I am going to be so glad when Wednesday midnight comes because, despite the fact that I trust God to take me through, this has been somewhat stressful. I am “waiting to exhale.”

Here we are in my moving month. The only things standing between me and home are 27 days, packing all my stuff and $40,000. that I don’t have right now.

I’ve been checking Google analytics to see whether anyone is following these words I write everyday. Despite the fact that only two brave souls (thank you Sarah and Candace) have declared themselves as followers, there are over 70 people checking it out regularly. However, interest has begun to decline slightly in the past couple of days because there’s not much happening. I went with friends to see Canada Day fireworks last nite, but there are none on this page – nothing but me waiting here, trusting God to come through by the midnight hour to look after me. It’s not very exciting.

I know that some people think this is ridiculous. What if we all just sat down and waited for God to orchestrate our lives?

I understand. I know it seems ridiculous – but I have peace about it. I don’t know what God is going to do by the seventh of July, but He will do something. He has prepared a place for me to live and He’ll make a way for me to get there.

And I haven’t just sat by twiddling my thumbs. I’ve done all that I can do. I don’t need to repeat it all – anyone who hasn’t been following this journey can go back and read over three weeks of earlier posts to see the progression of events.

There may not be fireworks on this site now, but just wait until my miracle comes! Then – then there will be fireworks! I shall be so excited to see what God does. This situation is impossible for me – but not for God. Nothing is too hard for Him.

Today’s reading included: “The man (woman) who makes Me his refuge will inherit the land.” (Is. 57:13b)