Two years for Graham James.A lifetime for his victims. Yesterday's sentence for James' abuse of Theo Fleury and Todd Holt left everyone shaking their heads in disbelief. How could any judge, with any comprehension of the magnitude of the effects of abuse on a victim and his or her family, determine that a two-year sentence (of which James will probably serve only 16 months) in any way brings justice to the situation.If Graham James were a first-time offender, one might think that the judge might have had reason to give some credence to his words of remorse and repentance. But [...]

Predators depend on victims and their families keeping the dark secret to avoid further pain and heartbreak in the family. Keeping the secret does nothing but bring more pain - allowing the predator free rein on ruining lives. Revealing truth may be hard, but living in secrecy doesn't work. Dare to tell your story. Stop the destruction.

Any of 19 foregoing warning signs of a predator need to be viewed within the context of an individual’s life. For instance, if someone enjoys playing with children in the company of other adults, that’s normal. If someone is a particularly helpful person but doesn’t seek out the company of children, that’s a wonderful thing. However, if combinations of the foregoing qualities are evident, there’s cause for concern and children need to be carefully watched around these people.

19) Predators usually maintain an image of social acceptability, often taking leadership in children’s groups through which to gain the trust of parents and children alike. This is all part of the "grooming" process where victims are groomed to trust the molester. What appears to be friendly helpfulness is really part of a carefully choreographed agenda.

18) If anyone expresses concerns about his or her behavior, a predator generally responds with denial and aggression, making the concerned individual feel like a fool. Nobody wants to feel like a fool, so without proof of wrongdoing, the concerned individual often returns to silence. If someone's behavior is suspect or makes one uncomfortable, it needs to be questioned and, even if there is no proof of inappropriate or criminal behavior, children need to be protected from that person. If it's just a "feeling of discomfort," no fuss should be made in case the person is innocent. However, even without [...]

17) Predators use playing with children at a peer level as a manipulative approach to intimacy; tickling, play fighting etc., to gain confidence and rapport and introduce the child to touching. As the child becomes desensitized to touch in appropriate places, the touch progresses to breasts and genitals.

16) There may be interaction with young teens at a peer level, engaging in conversations about sex, crushes or whatever would not be normally of interest for an adult to discuss with a teen.

15) They may have either a particularly charming personality or obvious ‘loner’ qualities, sometimes a combination of both. The charmers are socially appealing but often lack substance in their relationships. There’s no sense of genuine bonding at a heart level.The lack of development of the capacity for intimacy results in emotional loneliness.

14) Child molesters – or potential molesters – may have a desire for hobbies that seem more appropriate for a child than for an adult, like building miniature trains, collecting toys or whatever.

13) Potential or active child molesters may exhibit behavior that seems too good to be true, perhaps being overly helpful. The process of grooming a child to be abused is a process of gaining the trust of both the child and the caregivers. It's all about eliminating obstacles between the one about to be victimized and the perpetrator/predator. If that means being overly helpful, there's no job too big or no inconvenience too annoying if it will give the predator more trust, more acceptance or more opportunity.